A good weekend?

I went to see mother this weekend. She isn't acclimating well, unfortunately. Her job search has been dragging on for far too long and is only adding to her depression. Luckily the school year just ended, which means she may find employment as a school teacher soon, which is what she would like most.

We tried to spend the weekend on more positive things, she and I went out into the city early in the morning and walked around some of the formal gardens in the south. We didn't talk much, just took in nature, strolling through the flowers. It was an absolutely lovely morning. By noon we were hungry and so found a sidewalk cafe along the canal towpath. I think the setting helped mother a bit, the air was pleasant, the sky was clear and brilliant blue, and the canal was filled with the most delightful geese, who paddled by as we enjoyed our tea and sandwiches.

After lunch we went to another park, this one much more natural, which dipped down by the White River. The high banks and gorgeous foliage had the effect of shutting out the city entirely and transporting one to a far distant place, away from the roar of traffic and rush of society. We spent a while walking along the river banks, watching some younger children play in the water, talking about family and lighter topics so as not to spoil the day.

When we grew too hot we went back to her house, and spent the afternoon looking at photos sent by cousin Marije back in Africa. Her son and his wife have evidently taken a position just outside of Douala at a church run hospital, the two of them have been writing regularly and taking lots of photos of the children they are working with, most of whom are AIDS orphans. Very inspiring.

Sunday was more bittersweet. We went to Church together, and I suppose I understand now better why mother has been avoiding social situations. Every time someone asked what she was doing, or how the job hunt was going nearly put her in tears. She had to step outside several times during the pot luck to catch herself.

I feel really helpless when she has a breakdown like that. She doesn't want to be hugged, and there is nothing I have found to say to help her through it. It seems the best way to handle the situation is to let it resolve itself, but I feel like I am not being a dutiful daughter if I don't try something, and it breaks my heart to see her so depressed. I just don't know how to handle it.

For the moment I'm not letting on to mother how I've been doing. She has her own problems and needs me to be strong for her. She also needs you to call her Ari. I know you keep making excuses for why you can't call her, but she needs to hear from both of her daughters. She misses you desperately, and I think it would help her if she could talk to you regularly.

Love,
Lacey